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Wanting More

A visionary wants more for him or herself and others – more well being, freedom, prosperity, fulfillment, satisfaction … whatever supports each of us in being our best.

In our June issue of Playing in the Gap! we continue our exploration from last month of the tension between our current situation and our hopes. How can we want more without becoming materialistic and greedy? How do we keep our wants aligned with abundance and authenticity instead of scarcity?

Table of Contents

Stop the Insanity and Lighten Up - Karen Tax
The Insane Pitfalls of Mediocrity, Rationalization and Collusion
Use ‘wanting more’ to break free of ‘what is’.

I Have Something to Say - Diane Craver
Want Like a Child - Act Like an Adult  
Be child-like to inspire abundant wanting.

Yes, I AM Brilliant - Lorraine Cohen
Surrendering to Yes - What it Really Means to Your Life
Say 'yes' to stretch past your fears.

Why Can't I Go It Alone? - Lisa Negstad
Lisa is resting this month!.

My Perspective is Everything - Michelle Jones
The Shift
Clarify what you want, with love, life and a good run.

Stop the Insanity  and Lighten Up
The Insane Pitfalls of Mediocrity, Rationalization and Collusion - by Karen Tax

• “That’s just who I am”
• “It is what it is”
• “The key is to accept a person as they are”

How do statements like the above work in situations such as the following?

• A friend is emotionally abusive
• The employee is barely engaged
• A husband is chronically depressed
• The leader is unable to inspire others

Is it helpful for the supervisor to say to the poor performer, “that’s just who you are”? I don’t think so …

I am now seeing platitudes of zen-like acceptance of situations and people as yet another way to resign ourselves to mediocrity, to rationalize oppression, and to collude with the ultimate delusion that we can’t make a difference. In attempting to ‘accept what is’ and let go of attachment to outcome, we fall into a pit of victimhood!

The first step out of these pitfalls is to want more for ourselves, like friends who are emotionally responsible, colleagues who are passionately engaged, partners who are excited to be on a path of enlightenment, leaders who challenge and inspire the best in others … these are healthy wants.

But our confusion about wanting more for ourselves creates chaos and confusion around us.

I’ve had to learn to want more from the deepest desires in my soul, without creating mixed messages tainted with guilt, restraint, doubt, and scarcity. Wanting more can be seen as selfish, arrogant, idealistic …. I’ve had each of these fearful sentiments mirrored back to me as I’ve gained courage in asking for what I truly want.

Healthy wanting more depends on our ability to see beyond the illusions and fears of our current realities, beyond the behaviors we are exhibiting, to the real essence of people…

For example:

• We can see the CEO rigidly using structure to enforce his will on his organization
• Or we can see the same CEO struggling to be both a compassionate and results oriented leader

Wanting more for my-self can literally pull my vision beyond the limitations of ‘what is’ into a sea of possibilities. A conversation with our CEO can shift from:

• He won’t budge, to
• What are you trying to create, here’s what I want, how can we work together

By wanting more I get to have fun exploring the many realities beyond the one that holds me where I am, into the adventurous territory of who I am becoming.

So how can we want more without becoming materialistic and greedy? How do we keep our wants aligned with abundance and authenticity instead of scarcity? Please let us know your thoughts here!

I Have Something To Say
Want Like a Child - Act Like an Adult  - by Diane Craver

My mother used to say, “You can’t have everything you want!” I had no problem expressing what I wanted when I was a child. I was terrific at thinking abundantly. As a young girl I wanted to play with my friends, go on adventures through my books, ride my bicycle, and climb trees.

It was only when I became an adult that I became more aware of scarcity. Concerns about paying the bills, staying healthy, climbing the corporate ladder, and planning for retirement increasingly consumed my thoughts. Although it is important to be a responsible adult, we don’t have to be fearful or self-absorbed adults. Seriously, I am ready to replace scarcity thinking with abundant thinking.

You may be wondering how you will know if most of your thinking centers on abundance or scarcity. Read some of the examples below and see if anything resonates with you.

Examples of Abundant Thinking:

• When I network with people, I purposefully look for ways to help them connect with others. I believe that what I put out into the world comes right back at me, so of course someone will help me – in fact, they already have in many areas of my life.
• When I have a conflict with someone, I look for ways of staying in the conversation to discover ways that both of us can get what we want – no compromises!
• When I sit down to enjoy my meal, I don’t overeat because there is always enough.
• I see myself as a peer to everyone.
• I don’t hold onto grudges and past wrongdoings. I release myself from the bondage of that hurt or pain.
• I enjoy spending time in nature, feeling a strong bond to the Earth.
• In my meditations or prayers, I spend just as much time listening as I do asking or talking.
• I trust myself to know what is right for me.
• I often laugh at myself when I do or say silly things.

Examples of Scarcity Thinking:

• I call on people in my network when I need them.
• I rarely if ever help someone without expecting something in return.
• I love it when I can catch someone charging me too much for something.
• I worry constantly about my finances. Sometimes I even lie to my partner so he/she won’t get mad or be afraid.
• I don’t give my money to charity. Rich people should do that.
• When I’m in a conflict with someone, I rarely say what I think. I’d rather just keep the peace.
• Whenever I’m around this certain person, I say the stupidest things. She makes me feel so insignificant.
  Sara really disappointed me. I thought she was really bright, but when I saw how she handled that project, I realized I am way smarter than her.
• I know that I promised I would do that thing for Astor, but I got tied up. He should know how busy I am. Why did he ask me in the first place? He’s so insensitive.

What speaks to you? Is there anything you want to change? If so, you have already conquered the first step which is acknowledging and recognizing something you want to change. The second step is practice – by yourself or with someone who will support and encourage you.

Integrate your responsible adult thinking with your childlike abundant thinking and get ready for one of the grandest adventures you can imagine!

What would it take for you to integrate your responsible adult and childlike abundance? Let us know what you think here.

Yes, I Am Brilliant
Surrendering To Yes - What it Really Means to Your Life  - by Lorraine Cohen 

At the beginning of 2008, the thoughts about saying yes came flooding into my mind. Questions began to arise about what saying yes really means. This year, I started writing my new book about saying YES to who you are meant to be. I began thinking about what saying YES really means…..

Saying yes to what and to who?

Did it mean being committed to reaching goals and visions?

Was it about agreeing to requests and taking on responsibilities so you could be considered a “good person”?

Did it mean being willing to do whatever it takes to have what you want?

Was it only about making yes and no choices to decisions and requests?

Or, is it also about being summoned to a deeper YES from your spirit that is calling you to fulfill a life purpose and destiny that is bigger than your human mind could fathom?

YES!

Years ago, at one of my mastermind meeting to grow my business, we were doing our monthly check in – what we had done or not done for the prior month. I began by sharing what I had gotten accomplished. To me, it looked like I had been busy doing things and I expected a positive response. Instead, one of the members challenged me by saying, “I hear you have been busy doing things and your check in sounds like a to-do list . You’ve said you want to take your business out in a bigger way and you are still playing small by staying well within your comfort zone. Where are you stretching yourself?’”

After my initial reaction of getting angry and defensive, I realized there was a lot of truth in what she said to me. Her challenge caused me to look more deeply within myself at my resistance, fears, and excuses I was using to play small and how I was holding myself back from being who I am meant to be.

It was the kick in the pants that I really needed at the time and I was grateful she didn’t hold back on holding me accountable! Many people keep silent because they don’t want to be confrontational or cause upset others. Withholding doesn’t serve the other person to grow!

I receive emails all the time from people who tell me that they are struggling with finances, relationships, growing their business, losing weight….

(read more here)

Please add your comments here.

Why Can't I Go It Alone
Telling THE Truth  - by Lisa Negstad

Lisa is getting some much needed rest this month.

My Perspective is Everything
The Shift  - by Michelle Jones

Have you ever felt like there are almost TOO many options to choose from when it comes to what you want? That the hardest part of getting it can be figuring out what “it” is??

I find it both liberating AND scary to think about what I want. After all, moving toward something can mean leaving the comfy and familiar behind, and what happens if I want something with my heart and soul and it doesn’t happen?? Could it be better to just not want to begin with??

Whew…that either/or scarcity thinking is exhausting! I know from experience…lately I’ve been under a smothering cloud of tension about what I want compared to the comfort of how things have been.

There’s nothing like the joy of falling in love with a man that you want to spend your life with! And there’s nothing like the cloud of tension I’ve felt about life as my daughter and I have known it for 9 years changing when we blend families! Toss in the start of a new business from home, the daughter being a tween, and well…it’s been a little ugly (and funny when I have perspective!).

How do you move from scarcity thinking to abundance about what you want?

For me, the shift happened this morning. I was frankly tired of the drama and crying (which was useful for a little while!) and simply made a choice to return to abundance.

What impact did that choice have? I got up to go for a run (which I felt too tired for when mired in the drama). Running is magic for me when it comes to getting perspective and energy. What is magic for you??

Before I left I was browsing an old Oprah magazine. I read an article about a Leadership Summit for ‘regular’ women who’d won a contest to bring forth their humanitarian ideas and get support for moving them forward. In abundance mode, I noticed which stories inspired me most and what I want with my own work if I could have it any way at all. I have several ideas I can’t wait to follow up on!

And - ideas for this article just hadn’t been able to get through the smothering cloud of tension. As I joyfully ran, getting out of my own way, ideas tumbled in…

I still don’t know what blended family life will look like, but I’m remembering that I always get what I want or something better!

What helps you move from fear of change to risking what you really want? Share your thoughts here!