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What's on Your Mind? |
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Please share your thoughts with us!
- What burning questions are on your mind?
- What challenges or opportunities are you facing?
- How's it going with glowing and flowing?
You can let us know here. It's good to be in touch with you. |
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Your Story |
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One of our clients has set a vision for her group that includes the need for entrepreneurship.
As this need was discussed with the group, no one expressed any excitment or interest in becoming more entrepreneurial.
I was surprised by the apathy we saw. It made me wonder - what are people thinking?
The way we are working is changing radically around us. Every single one of us - whether we are self employed or not - will need to be more creative, innovative, resourceful, empowered - entrepreneurial.
What do you see as the needs for future work? How does entrepreneurship fit into that vision? And how to you intend to develop your entrepreneurial skills and those of your employees?
You can let us know what you think here |
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Getting Personal |
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It was scary for me (Karen) to write this month's article. It felt almost too brazen - and I was concerned about over simplifying a very complex and challenging topic (world peace and national conflicts).
However, as I read the submissions from my fellow authors, I smiled and relaxed.
You see, we don't talk about what we're going to write prior to pulling together this newsletter. We have themes mapped out for a year that follow the IAM Maps ... and that's it.
So when I read what each author offered, I felt the genuine peace and connection I know I can trust in our IAM community. The authors provided the important details and perspectives in their musings ... that I didn't include - without us even talking about it.
I know my collaborators are on a path of personal transformation. I know they take responsibility for their growth and path. And I know they are courageous and articulate in sharing their journey.
Together, month after month, we have quite a story to tell. I'm grateful to be working with this amazing group of people!
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What's New |
We have new IAM Career SMART! groups starting soon. Checkout our product catalogue to see what's available.
You can now find us on Facebook and Twitter.
Blog postings inspired from Karen's Focusing on the Essential presentation can be found here. Let us know if you'd like this complementary workshop delivered in your organization.
Lisa Negstad is bowing out of authoring articles as she adjusts to self-employment and focuses on her own business.
Lisa's need to find balance made me think of all the people who try writing on a regular basis. I know it's a big leap - I waited 7 years before commiting to regular writing.
So I decided I'd like to offer a guest author spot in this newsletter - for people who want to try writing for one issue ... or more. Just let me know if you are interested!
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Communications Corner |
We conducted our next Essential Everyday Communications workshop. It was a wonderful experience!
I think Diane and I might become famous for the demos we conduct in these workshops - they seem to be riveting and provide volumes of material to explore.
The topic of triggers was hot and the subject of safety that we discussed here last month is key.
Triggers (emotional reactions) can be fun and safe to discuss when you learn to handle these classic safety pitfalls:
attack - this is where I get angry at the other person for 'causing' me to get upset and I 'protect' myself from harm by lashing out.
guilt - this is where I cry and carry on with the trigger person and try to make them feel bad for 'causing' my hurt
punishment - this is where I withdraw my love and ignore the trigger person as punishment for 'causing' the trigger.
Again, we create safety inside of ourselves first, so having success bypassing these three safety pitfalls is important.
First, don't buy into the blame. You can not cause the emotional response another has, especially when you have healthy intentions. Set boundaries to stop an attack if necessary.
Second, manage the trigger you might experience to the trigger situation. This is where the IAM Touchstone "I can't be bad" is helpful. Do your inner work.
Third, stay the course with the conversation by staying calm. Trust that you and the other person can and will take personal responsibility for your role in the interaction.
As you gain confidence and experience in Essential Everyday Communications, you will not experience these safety pitfalls. The reason is that you will no longer be afraid of them happening and if a pitfall does happen, it will instantly be transformed into a learning opportunity.
So how about you? What questions do you have about how to make a conversation safe? Or what works for you?
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"In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel "burnout" setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective."
~~ Dalai Lama
"Your success and happiness lie in you....Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."
~~ Helen Keller
"When spring is dancing among the hills, one should not stay in a little dark corner."
~~ Kahil Gibran |
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Caring for Myself
In our last couple of issues we discussed how a visionary tells the truth about his/her wants. A next step is to engage our community - discussing our wants and the wants of others. Before this engaging can happen … we must have the energy and motivation to open ourselves to our community.
In our July issue of Playing in the Gap! we write about the self care that is necessary be both open to the wants of others and to have access to our personal resources.
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Table of Contents |
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Stop the Insanity and Lighten Up - Karen Tax
Ending the Insanity of Conflict
How caring for myself is the seed for world peace.
I Have Something to Say - Diane Craver
A Glorious Place in Between Selfishness and Selflessness
Exploring the abundant space between me and you.
Yes, I AM Brilliant - Lorraine Cohen
Self-Care - One of Five Critical Factors That Support Achieving Transformational Goals
My Perspective is Everything - Michelle Jones
Peeling Back the Layers
Practical ways to make self care a priority.
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Stop the Insanity and Lighten Up
Ending the Insanity of Conflict - by Karen Tax |
What’s more insane than the conflicts we see between nations and individuals? Wherever conflict arises, whether in our local families or nation communities, there is one simple solution to struggle of any kind: caring for ourselves.
How could conflict resolution be so simple? An example: the socially liberal daughter and the financially conservative father whose conflicting views have made it impossible for them to enjoy each other.
Conflict exists only when we find ourselves in either/or situations: either her liberal views or his conservative ones. Either/or situations happen when we see our family or community as too small to include our views (or needs).
It’s very tempting to blame the community when either/or situations happen: “I don’t fit in this family or ‘this group’ won’t accept my views.” True enough – this happens! Yet we now know without a doubt that the world is big enough for each of us to find a place where our views belong. Somewhere!
We create impossible situations when honoring of our views is dependent on “the other” person or community. Conflict is inevitable if the daughter’s liberal views are honored only if the father agrees and vice versa.
The trick to getting past this dependence on ‘the other’ is for us to care for or love ourselves enough to find that space and place of acceptance and love within. Once we love on the inside, the outside comes easily. We create communities that love our views.
What often happens is that the daughter’s liberal views are respected by the father once she no longer needs her father to agree - when the daughter belongs to a community where her views are appreciated. Once we experience respect for our views – we are free to confidently and productively explore our differences.
Making self-care a priority, practicing relentless self love creates situations where delight in our differences is possible. Limiting our expectations to the co-existence of diverse views implies toleration of ‘the other’. 
What I want is delight in ‘the other’. What are the fathers’ conservative concerns and why?
I can only listen deeply to and enjoy the gifts of a radically different view if I confidently love myself and am willing to stretch …
All it takes is for one person to practice self-love and stretch, for delight in the views of “the other” to be experienced. From that one person loving, a family can love. If a family can love, a community can love. If a community can love, a nation can love and end conflict with its enemies….
Ending the insanity of conflict between nations will come from one person having the courage to ‘love thine enemy’. Which takes loving myself. Really, it’s as simple as that.
So can you imagine ending conflict being as simple as self-love? What are the “yea, buts” that come to mind? Please let me know your thoughts here!
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I Have Something To Say
A Glorious Place Between Selfishness and Selflessness - by Diane Craver |
When I first read the topic for this month’s newsletter, Caring for Myself, I immediately thought of spa days, mani-pedis, Sunday afternoon naps, and long vacations. Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with those ways of taking care of myself, I believe that taking care of myself involves a lot more.
I recently had a conversation with someone who felt she really couldn’t have what she wanted because it would be too selfish. That got me to thinking, what is selfish? And what is the opposite of selfish? Naturally I went to the dictionary to look up the definition of the words. Here’s what I found:
Selfish. Devoted to or caring for only one’s self; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare. We know these people – they are called narcissists. “Maria has been hoarding food for the past year, just in case something happens to the economy and she won’t have enough to eat.”
Selfless. Little or no concern for oneself. We know these people – they are called martyrs. “Antonio wouldn’t dare apply for a promotion. His boss really needs him to stay where he is because he is so valuable, so he’ll just stay put.”
Somewhere in between selfishness and selflessness is caring for ourselves, a glorious place where we get what we want and others get what they want as well. It’s a place of healing, growth, and love, starting with ourselves first.
What happens when we don’t care for ourselves and only give of ourselves? Depression, addiction, despair, anger, sadness, emptiness, negativity, and fearful thinking are all results of not taking care of ourselves or diminishing ourselves in service to others.
When I care for myself, I trust myself, express myself fully and authentically, love myself just as I am, and embrace my healing while also inviting others to do the same. What I am learning is that that there is plenty of room for caring for myself and caring for others. It doesn’t have to be one or the other – polarizing views of caring only for ourselves or caring only for others is a sure fire way to keep all of us on different paths with little ways of connecting with each other.
How would your life change if you found that glorious place inside yourself that has been crying out for acknowledgment? What polarizing views do you have about caring for yourself that have been limiting your healing or growth and/or the growth of others?
I’d love to hear from you! Let us know what you think here.
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Yes, I Am Brilliant
Self-Care - One of Five Critical Factors That Support Achieving Transformational Goals - by Lorraine Cohen |
What are transformational goals?
Transformational goals not only have a direction and destination in mind, they create experiences for people to grow and evolve by stepping into a higher version of who they are.
Five critical factors that support achieving transformational goals:
- Passion Our passions motivate and inspire us to take action. Without passion our life can become mechanical and empty. Deep desire can give us the courage to take life –changing risks with determination and power in the face of fears and uncertainty.
- Fulfilling Your Life/Soul Purpose Having a sense of why we are here and what we are here to do gives meaning to our life. Making choices with a sense of purpose helps us to regain perspective when we feel confused, doubt, and fear. Our purpose reminds us of who we are when we slip into the dramas and details of our life.
- Solid Support and Accountability Surrounding yourself with people who can be objective, uplifting, encouraging, and forthright to cheer you on, challenge you to be great, kick you in the butt when you’re stalling, help you stand strong when facing fear, remind you of who you are when you forget, and hold you accountable to your purpose, passions, and vision makes a huge difference in going the distance and achieving success.
- Have a Strong Self-Care Regime Think of taking care of your body, mind, and spirit as an important element to your inner foundation. When we feel “fed” we can show up for the people, responsibilities and situations that we most care about with our best SELF. When we are depleted, over-extended, hungry, lonely, or angry, life becomes more burdensome. To check when you might be out of balance or in need of some self-care pronto, here are some common signals: taking things too personally, beating yourself up, irritability, over-reacting, resentment, anger, overwhelm, confusion, distracted, stressed, or tense. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now? What is my body asking for? What have I been ignoring?“ Then DO IT!
- Taking Inspired Action Listening to and following your gut instinct and intuition to guide your choices and actions can bring amazing opportunities into your life. It takes courage to take leaps of faith when we are motivated by fear. Inspiration comes from within; from our Divine “inner knowing” urging us to step into the unknown with faith and trust, often without a safety net. Our mind is an instrument with the ability to reason and assess situations that support us in making logical, sound choices that can motivate us to action when things makes sense.
Self-care is foundational to each of these factors in achieving transformational goals. Why settle for anything less than goals that inspire your personal evolution? And the self-care needed to transform? Please add your comments here.
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My Perspective is Everything
Peeling Back the Layers - by Michelle Jones |
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Like most things, whether we practice self-care isn’t reeeeeeally about self-care. We all know that exercise, balanced eating, reading books and napping when our bodies ask us to is good for us and feels great. So what gets in the way of us making space for this blissful existence??
I have clients who talk about taking time to read or go for a walk regularly as if it’s A) a lovely thought, but a pipe dream akin to winning the lottery because there’s just too much else to do B) something that would cause their families (and possibly the whole world!) to completely fall apart since they wouldn’t be there to hold it all together C) just flat-out selfish!
For most of us, there’s a dash of one or all of those flavors that holds us back from putting our wants and needs first or even equal to other people and priorities.
Two of my favorite books that peel back the layers on what’s really going on are The Power of Full Engagement and I Used to Have a Handle on Life But It Broke…Six Power Solutions for Women with Too Much to Do (there’s good stuff in the latter for the guys too!).
Both books demonstrate that a fulfilling, joyful, engaged life is created when we stop trying to ‘keep up’, control, and push through, none of which are natural or productive. We become fully engaged (and best able to contribute to the rest of the world!) when we manage our energy first (an infinite resource) vs. our time (a finite resource).
Did you know that our bodies and brains follow a rhythm that’s based on a 90-120 minute cycle? That if we take mini-breaks in our attention, focus, and physical space based on that cycle that we greatly and immediately increase our energy, creativity, and productivity? It’s so logical, yet many of us still struggle with allowing ourselves to create the mini-breaks - let alone the big breaks!
Power Solutions:
- Micro-actions: Commit to something so small that it’s impossible not to do (read for just 1 minute before bed, get dressed to exercise – no exercise, just getting dressed, lay down for a 3 minute nap). Micro-actions move us from the wish, I want to do this, to the action, I can do this.
- Purpose: Spend some time getting in touch with what you really want – the more you care for yourself, the better able you can fulfill this purpose.
- Rituals: Discipline and will typically aren’t strong enough to overcome our underlying resistance to things like self-care. Create daily rituals that become as natural to you as brushing your teeth.
Take Action: What’s one micro-action you can take right now? What ritual can you commit to for a few days? (then another few days, then another, then another…!) Share your thoughts here!
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