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Your Story

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Getting Personal

The initial feedback from our Engaging the Essential workshop was exciting. We got formal feedback a few days later that was both positive and negative. Some found the day “liberating and helpful” and others were very critical.

Despite our best efforts to ensure context and to create flow from our offering (one day) to the many activities happening around it, there was a disconnect between the day we facilitated and activities provided by the organization and another group of consultants. Every single effort we made to create flow was somehow thwarted. We decided that Life just had other plans for this experience!

It was interesting to know that the subset of critical folks were mostly twenty-somethings. While the feedback they offered was harsh and hard to understand, it was clear that they felt ‘made less than.’ We learned that in honing our language for translation into multiple languages, we had ‘dumbed it down.’ We realized that we targeted our message to the lowest common denominator, at the expense of a whole other subset of the population. Yikes!

By being honest, these young folks insisted on being treated with higher standards. After also teaching a Diversity course (details in the What’s New section) with many young participants, I’ve come to realize that those of us no longer in our twenties need to get moving. Younger generations are ready for the most progressive, sophisticated and enlightened learning we have to offer. Frankly, I’m delighted to accept the challenge!

What's New

When I look at the amount of new material we’ve created since the beginning of the year, it seems almost impossible that we have done so much. It is proof of what we knew to be true: when you’re glowing and flowing, your creative energy is almost without limit.

New in May is a one day workshop “Teamwork in a Diverse Workplace” that Karen offered at UNC. Based on IAM, of course, this workshop is an examination of how our best teamwork occurs when individual uniqueness is honored and leveraged.

Learning objectives include knowing how to:

·   Anchor teamwork in common ground (Essence).

·   Examine how beliefs and assumptions both help and limit performance.

·   Identify, honor and leverage individual uniqueness and differences.

·   Navigate differences to create synergy, productivity, effectiveness and fun.

·   Explore culture, collaboration and conflict as both opportunities and challenges to teamwork.

·   Discover new territory of common ground, resourcefulness and customer service.

·   Build on existing communication and leadership skills.

Evaluations from this first offering were solid. I was especially pleased with the common learning that diversity is much more than culture and skin color; we’re all unique and have something different to offer.

Lorraine Cohen, one of our newsletter contributors and Associates, has been extraordinarily creative and productive this year. As a follow-on to our April newsletter on Positive Power, we’d like you to know about Lorraine’s eBook  “How Do I Choose?” where you can learn a powerfull  5-step blueprint for making rock-solid decisions. The eBook is available on her website.  Making solid decisions is an aspect of positive power we hope you will continue to play with!

Communications Corner

Situation: A hot button gets pushed; you are firmly in your drama.

Question: How do you talk about the situation without creating more drama?

People’s first response to a ‘pushed button’ is often to blame the other person: “she made me angry,” “you’re not safe to be around.” Your first responsibility is to notice the drama! It might look like overwhelm, fear, or circular thinking. Stop here and take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.

By shifting your focus from the external trigger of the drama, to your internal source of the drama, you take control of what you can potentially create from this situation. Honor your feelings and they will give you valuable information. For example, if you are angry, then a boundary has likely been crossed.

You might find yourself judging what you are feeling. Self judgment is usually caused by feeling guilty about what you want. Remind yourself, you are entitled to get what you want. Anger is telling you that something very important to you is not being honored. Let go of judgment and trust the authenticity of your feelings.

You’ll know you’ve navigated from drama back to your Essence when you feel a hint of laughter or a smile bubble up from inside. Now it’s safe to speak from your heart, without causing more drama. Anger will tell you that something that is not ok with you has just happened. So you say something like, “I’m not ok with what just happened. It triggered a hot button, which let me know it’s really important.” Then, you can chuckle and say, “You know, what I really want is ….” or “This didn’t work for me so it can’t have worked for you either …” expecting and knowing support will come from the other person.

Conversations that come from Essence are irresistible and cooperation is inevitable!

Share your communications challenge with us here.

Call To Being

A call to being is an opportunity to connect more deeply with the aliveness and possibility that has been awakened in you by reading this newsletter.

In pushing this button, we invite you to the "other side" to clarify intentions, launch them into your larger Life, and open to the delightful certainty that you will be met.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.”

    ~~ Ursula K. LeGuin.

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.”

    ~~ R.I. Fitzhenry

 

 

 

Dreaming Big

Last month we talked about Positive Power. In our May 2008 issue of Playing in the Gap! we invite you to explore how to project your positive power into the future, by dreaming big.

Bringing the gift of your dreams to the world is the first step in putting your positive power into action. We invite you to dream big now, starting with an examination of vulnerability, heart, passion, the unknown and joy –sources of hope for the future. 

Table of Contents

Being Messy 
Keeping the IAM Dream Alive

Karen wonders about where the IAM dream is headed.

 

Being Messy
Keeping the IAM Dream Alive - by Karen Tax

Have you ever been to a restaurant and noticed the young couple in the corner, heads leaning close, quietly talking in animated conversation, nobody existing but each other?

How about the older couple at the Cracker Barrel interrupting their travels for a bite to eat? They sit quietly, comfortable with each other, looking around, not saying a word.

I’ve wondered: What dreams am I watching play out? Did the young couple dream of finding a best friend to create worlds of possibility with? Did the older couple decide to become familiar and silent with each other?  Or do people just run out of things to say to each other as they age?

I wonder because I have big dreams I’m playing with in my life and I want to believe it’s possible for my dreams to take on an animated and sustainable life of their own. Or maybe it’s inevitable that my dreams will evolve into something quiet, comfortable and eventually fade away?

My dream for IAM is big: an explosion of glowing and flowing world wide. This is a dream I can not accomplish alone!  

When you dream big, you discover the places where you keep yourself small and scared. If you don’t open to and love those constricted places within, your dreams will suffocate with the fear. When your dreams include partnering with others, those relationships must follow a similar path of learning to love and open to possibility.

Our KT&A group is gathering in May to plan our next steps in working together on IAM, starting with the question ‘who are we?’ My passionate hope is that our collective dream is big enough, and compelling enough to inspire our individual glowing and flowing. I hope the path to our personal dreams will come about through our knowing and loving each other. I hope our animated conversations about worlds of possibility continue …

Or maybe IAM will end up like that older couple at the Cracker Barrel, where the animated and lively conversation has faded away? Where individual fears I have no control over suffocate the life out of the dream. How would the KT&A group feel about that? How would you feel about that?

I’m wondering what will it take to keep the IAM dream alive? 

Calling Passion
What Does Dreaming Big Mean to You? - by Diane Craver

What do you think of when you’re asked to dream big?  Is it easy for you to dream big or is it difficult?  Do you wonder if you have the “right stuff?” Does dreaming big relate to money and fame?  Does it conjure up images of giving back, helping the poor?  Will you look inside yourself and access those deep desires of big dreams, and bring your unique gifts into the world?

Some of my favorite quotes inspire me to not hold back but instead play a bigger role in the world and in my life. I’d like to share these quotes with you so that you might be inspired to dream a little, play around with taking another step towards your dream, and start to see the possibilities of your dreams coming true. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

"I need not wait, for I have the power to choose my own destiny."   - Og Mandino

"Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody."   - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Today the greatest single source of wealth is between your ears."   - Brian Tracy

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."   - Martin Luther King Jr.

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."   - C.S. Lewis

"The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking."                  - Albert Einstein

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."   - Bill Cosby

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams. Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there.”   - Erma Bombeck

 “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”                   - Eleanor Roosevelt

“I would rather be a failure doing something I love than be a success doing something I hate.”   - George Burns

“You won't get anything unless you have the vision to imagine it.”   - John Lennon

“I must admit that I personally measure success in terms of the contributions an individual makes to her or his fellow human beings.”   - Margaret Mead

I hope that you will take a quote (or more) from this list, write it down, meditate on it, and start taking action to make your dreams come true. The world needs us to play a bigger role

Finding Courage
Uncertainty (the Unknown) as the Doorway to Possibilities - by Lorraine Cohen

About 10 years ago my life underwent a major transition, both personally and professionally.  Everything in my life was in flux as I stood at a crossroads filled with excitement, overwhelm, and huge fear.  Where was I going?  What might happen next? 

One day, I flipped on the TV and caught one of the Public Broadcasting Station fundraising drives.  Deepak Chopra was the featured presenter and he was talking about uncertainty.  To illustrate his point, he recalled a story that involved his son during the Christmas holidays.  When asked what he wished for in the New Year, his son replied, “I wish for another year of uncertainty.”  I felt my stomach churn when I heard that!  The essence of Deepak Chopra’s message was this:

Open your mind to see uncertainty as a state of possibility. Limitless possibilities.  So often we view uncertainty with dread and anticipation of something negative happening to us.  Imagine seeing the potential of limitless possibilities that might result in wonderfull things happening. 

In other words, expect the best instead of expecting the worst.  What if you held the thought, “I wonder what new (and exciting) experiences might be coming my way?” and pondered upon the possibilities instead of fearing the unknown.  What if you approached life as learning experiences and opportunities rather than problems or obstacles to overcome?

If everything always stayed the same, day in and day out, what would your life be like?

How would you grow and expand as a person?

What challenges would invite your best to emerge?

How would your passions be expressed in ways that inspired you and others?

What would delight and bring you joy?

Imagine stepping into new experiences with an explorer’s sense of adventure and curiosity!  When you open your mind and your heart to possibilities, amazing things can happen

Your invitation to explore the unknown as an opportunity:

1. Adopt a new attitude about uncertainty.  Look for opportunities to approach new experiences and unknowns with the spirit of adventure and light-hearted curiosity.  Be willing to be surprised. Make it a game.

2. Watch what happens when you are open to possibilities.  You might find you are attracting people and opportunities that might not have happened when you approached uncertainty as a negative.

3. Notice and write down your reaction to this exercise.  Use what you observe and feel to learn more about yourself. 

Leading Edge
Shangri-La Lakes - by John Berkley

One of the biggest challenges I face is seeing my dreams. This makes me curious since I am such a visually oriented person. I have made time to sit and just dream of where I wanted to be in my future. I like using a tool called The Wheel of Life which breaks life into 8 areas: Career, Money, Health, Family and Friends, Romance, Personal Growth, Fun, and Physical Environment. This has only been partially successful. Possibly, I may need to revisit these dreams over and over until they become as clear as my dreams of my past. 

The poet David Whyte asked recently at a retreat, “What could you do today that would make your future selves most proud?” He was premising that we are many people over time, and our future selves are made from our past choices. What big, powerful choices can I make today that would radically change my life? This really resonated for me since it asked a present question. For me, this question changed my life in that it put all the responsibility on me, gave me all the power, to make me happy or sad in the future.

The biggest adventure for me in life is getting married and having children. I will be getting married in a little over a month from now so the decision to have kids, which scares the “bleep” out of me, is my biggest “edge”. David Whyte’s question made exploring the “edge” easier. I want to dream big and I want to have children. Robert Heinlein said, “To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks!”

Another thought I have is based on a canoe trip I led to the Boundary Waters with my best friend John. We planned to canoe 60 lakes in 7 days…a big dream. The route was basically a big loop. We dreamed about the farthest lake out there, one that few people ever visited…it was even across the Canadian border, in another country! We pictured how remote, serene, and beautiful it would look, sound, and feel.

We carried our gear over many miles of muddy trail and paddled endless miles to reach this Shangri-La lake. When we finally arrived we found that a tornado had come through and destroyed all the trees leaving a mess. It was the ugliest lake of the whole trip! I realized then that it was always the journey that was important and not the destination itself.

So dream big, but play in the present and always enjoy the journey! 

Seizing Joy
Measure Big Dreams by Big Joy - by Robin Renteria

An old adage about tithing says that you ought’a give ‘til it hurts.  While I have a hard time recommending anything that causes pain, I understand this rationale.  If we stay in our comfort zone, we never have to face the fears of scarcity or attachment that challenge us to think beyond our limits of understanding.  When we reach the ‘ouch’ point, we know that beyond here there lie monsters, and we need to figure out who is bigger, we or the monsters.  If we embrace this work, and the monsters, we ultimately find out that we’re bigger than they are.  Not easy work, but very fruitful.

I feel the same way about playing big… imagining success beyond our wildest dreams.  Go for it!  Then know that you will feel an ‘ouch’ point that calls you to the step by step realizations that make your dreams come true; learning what the goals really entail, and working through the fears that arise. 

But don’t let your life be a failure of imagination.  When we stifle our big dreams or our belief that we can make them real, we’ve already given up.  That’s soul killing!  Our dreams are what keep us young.  My father took up tap dancing when he was eighty and with a bunch of other old-sters had a great time performing at senior centers.  He didn’t aspire to the Bolshoi but to kicking up his heels for as long as he could.  And he did.   As you take each step to manifest your dreams you have something sweet to savor – seeing your choices come alive, knowing yourself as creator.

I get frustrated when people’s dreams strictly involve money or fame.  Our big dreams can also be for peace of mind and heart, a loving partnership, a grown child who loves her life, supporting a parent through their dying, work that enriches the planet, ending world hunger, learning another language, and being able to kick up our heels when we’re eighty.   Why not all of them?  What not more?  Why not dream for whatever makes your heart swell with delight each day? 

In Cuba they have a toast which, translated to English, goes:  “To health, wealth, and love, and time to enjoy them.”   Does it say how much is enough?  No.  That’s a distraction.  It doesn’t need to.  It’s the enjoyment that counts.