What's on Your Mind?

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It's good to be in touch with you!

Your Story

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Getting Personal

Our May 2008 KT&A group gathering was a resounding success – if you stretch the idea of success that is. It was rich with learning because we plopped ourselves right in the middle of our Drama, without much sign of glowing and flowing.

Read Karen’s story of the IAM Summit here! [click here]

As a result of our recent Summit, I am excited about some changes to KT&A that I will describe in more detail below. These changes are helping me hone more precisely how I want to work – in a creative fashion with many different, brilliant people.

I have decided to shift how the KT&A group works. For now, we are not a group or a team –we are a group of well established, independent business owners who will collaborate with each other and with Karen on projects where we feel alignment and synergy.

I am grateful that we achieved more clarity about how each individual associated with Karen wants to work. I know that these are steps toward individual glowing and flowing which will lead to collective synergy. Changes were needed for this to happen!

 Some specifics:

·       Diane Craver, Lorraine Cohen, John Berkley and Karen Eldridge will continue to explore various collaborative endeavors with Karen and with each other, independent of being a group.

·       John has decided to drop his participation in the IAM newsletter.

·       Robin has decided to move on to other endeavors entirely. 

 

What's New

Diane Craver and Karen are taking on a large new project to develop a career development program for Lash Group, based in Charlotte NC.

While developing the corporate version of this program, Diane and Karen also plan to develop a public online offering called Career Savvy using the same basic structure and content. We have been planning to develop this online version for six months, and will finally have the opportunity to make it happen!

Communications Corner

Situation:  You’ve communicated as best you can from your Essence, and Drama was the result.

Question: How do you easily navigate the Drama?

This question is really much bigger than we can address in a brief column. Let’s start with a specific assumption that is often made about Drama: it’s bad and to be avoided. Shifting this belief is where easy navigation can begin.

With IAM, our goal is to be vital and inspired, solidly grounded in our Essence, easily moving through Drama back to Essence. During this process, it’s typical for people to go through phases where they think “Drama is bad”. It’s much more useful to look at Drama as divinely inspired – our collective humanity working for us. This is a great way to shift from blame and wrong making to learning – everyone is working for us when we’re in Drama!

A critical point in this shift is to manage our own reactions to the Drama. Thoughts such as “I’ve been unkind. I’ve caused hurt. I’ve been bad.” are typical. These are powerful, painful thoughts that are easy to avoid rather than face. When our intentions are loving and kind, when we’ve done our best in our communication, we can know that whatever Drama results, is simply a reflection of our own worst fears. Facing our fears, loving ourselves and making necessary amends in these moments are key, remembering that our humanity is usually our greatest gift to each other. 

Once we are able to face our fears and engage in genuine self love, then we can truly see Drama and its participants with a tender heart. Arriving at this compassionate place requires shifting our belief that Drama is bad, to Drama is healing.

When we collectively understand that Drama serves our healing and growth, then we can have conversations about our own hurts and process of navigation, and what we’ve learned from others in the process. We literally get to the heart of the matter and conflict is no more!

Share your communications challenge with us here.

Call To Being

A call to being is an opportunity to connect more deeply with the aliveness and possibility that has been awakened in you by reading this newsletter.

In pushing this button, we invite you to the "other side" to clarify intentions, launch them into your larger Life, and open to the delightful certainty that you will be met.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I'm afraid."

    ~~ Audre Lorde.

 

Facing Fear

If you played with dreaming big, as we invited you to do last month, you may have encountered the biggest obstacle to dreams: fear.

In our June 2008 issue of Playing in the Gap! we invite you to play with fear, which is a bit like playing with fire. Let’s take a look at how to safely face our fears, without burning ourselves or others.

Table of Contents

Being Messy 
Fires of Fear ARE the Result of Dreaming Big

The fears Karen wrote about in last month’s issue of Playing in the Gap came true!

 

Being Messy
Fires of Fear ARE the Result of Dreaming Big - by Karen Tax

When we started writing this newsletter in November 2007, we mapped out the monthly themes for a year. Of course, these themes follow the IAM journey, using the Maps:

Essence Map   

1. New Beginnings – November 2007

2. Our Abundant Universe – December 2007

3. Drama Happens – January 2008

Energy Map   

4. Knowing Yourself – February 2008

5. Glowing and Flowing – March 2008

Navigational Compass - Leadership   

6. Positive Power – April 2008

Navigational Compass - Vision   

7. Dreaming Big – May 2008

Navigational Compass - Community   

 8.  Facing Fear – June 2008

 9.  Healing Feelings – July 2008

10. Dream Teams – August 2008

Navigational Compass - Integration   

            11. Trusting Your Wise Self – September 2008

12. Letting Go – Openings and Endings – October 2008

Funny, that our KT&A group gathering would happen right before we moved into the Community section of our themes. Funny, that this gathering would provide an opportunity for me to face my biggest fear yet: I might not have what it takes to bring people together in glowing and flowing.

Funny indeed! This is how IAM works: You make a plan, and then laugh as learning and work emerges exactly as needed.

The short description of our KT&A gathering is that we experienced a weekend of more drama than glowing and flowing. While we were in it, the drama was uncomfortable, confusing, and frustrating; it felt like we were ‘taking ten steps back’. While it would have been wonderful to have been at our best, experiencing drama was exactly the fuel we needed to move into the next stages of our work together.

What I’ve learned from reflecting on what happened is that within the drama were all the nuggets I needed to personally move to greater glowing and flowing – one of the hallmarks of IAM learning and a result of using the Maps.

I learned, as I keep learning over and over, when you remember that  you can’t be bad and failure is impossible, then all drama, mine and others, is a challenge and an opportunity to face our deepest fears and discover our greatest desires. During the IAM Summit, it happened! I played with the fires of my fear! And the heat was transforming, as it always is.

For details about what happened during the IAM weekend gathering, checkout my story here. The nuggets of learning were too numerous to put in a short article, and the drama too enlightening to gloss over! I hope you enjoy.

Calling Passion
Becoming FEARLESS - by Diane Craver

When I work with clients on their careers, a common theme emerges -- fear. Their fears range from fear of the unknown, of failure, of success, of loss, of change, of letting others down, of taking a risk, of incompetence, and so on.

This month, let’s begin moving out of fear and step boldly onto that virtual limb to find the fruit that is waiting for us. Let’s become F-E-A-R-L-E-S-S!

Focus on you. What stories do you continue to tell yourself? Are they supportive or destructive? It may be time to rewrite your story and create one that is more in line with who you really are, not who others say you are or who you were in the past. How can you focus and explore who you are more deeply and create opportunities for positive change?

Engage support. Very few people are successful on their own. Talk to people who will support you – friends, family, colleagues, a spiritual advisor; it may even be time to hire a coach or therapist. We all need encouragement and someone who believes in us even when we don’t think we deserve it.

Acknowledge your brilliance. Each one of us has strengths, skills, and abilities. Discover what yours are and embrace each one of your gifts. Your combination of strengths, skills, and abilities are like no one else’s. The world needs us to step up and play a bigger role.

Remember, the future does not equal the past. Perhaps you made some choices that are no longer working for you. Just because you made a poor decision doesn’t mean you are defined by it. Decide to put your past behind you and embark on a path of forgiveness.

Look fear in the face. Really look at it – examine it, be curious. Fears are a treasure-trove for self-discovery. If we peel away the layers, what is the truth? What are our fears based on – facts, reality, or careful examination? Someone once said that behind every fear is a wish. What’s your wish?

Excellence, not perfectionism. Behind many of our fears is perfectionism. Let’s give ourselves a break! Today I left a package in the dressing room and when I went back for it, it was gone. I spent needless hours berating myself for being stupid, but when I called my mother to tell her, she said, “Don’t worry about it; you’re human.” It’s time to focus less on being perfect and instead remember our humanity.

Stay in the present. When we experience fear, most of the time we are worried about the future – all of those “what ifs.” In many instances, it’s good to consider what might happen in the future, but when those “what ifs” are anxiety provoking, we know they’re not helpful. So, try refocusing on something positive. When I was a kid, my Dad knew that I loved chocolate covered cherries, so when he pulled our baby teeth, he would say, “think about chocolate covered cherries.” It really worked! What is your “chocolate covered cherry?”

Seek your Source. If we look to any person, place, or condition for our supply, we shut down the flow. John Randolph Price, in his book, “The Abundance Book,” describes the flow as something that is “an outer symbol of the inner supply.” Price asserts that if our mind is on the Source, the supply flows freely, but if it is on the effect, the flow is blocked. What is your Source? I believe it is God within us, so I have started to push out this illusion of scarcity and instead focus on the truest Source I know – God. 

Lastly, just remember that FEARLESS doesn’t mean absence of fear, it just means less fear. Let’s gently replace fear with more productive energy so that we can sample some of that delicious fruit that’s just waiting for us to feast on it.

Finding Courage
Do You Have the Courage to Speak Up? - by Lorraine Cohen

When I was in a child, (Ages 10-12) I recall having numerous experiences of being sent to the nurse with physical pain. My mother would have to leave work and bring me home. It was discovered that I was experiencing spasm pains that were caused by stress and emotions. Looking back, I believe that the symptoms might have led to developing colitis or an ulcer.  I had been stuffing my feelings and they were causing me pain. I became aware of how critical it was for me to express my heart. Since then, I’ve been learning how to bring what’s in my heart and head out of my mouth.

In recent years, I have been fostering a deeper confidence to be authentic; to show up, speak up and be who I am without hiding or withholding my heart regardless of how it lands with other people. How people interpret my words, intentions, actions…. is their responsibility, not mine.

Strong women are often judged as being intimidating, dominant, bitchy etc. It can be risky to show up and be true to who you know yourself to be without apologizing or modifying who you are being to please others. And, I’m not talking about running over people, being pushy, or obnoxious. Folks don’t always like or appreciate directness and honesty. It can feel scary and threatening.

It takes guts and inner strength to look deeply within yourself. Facing things about yourself that are uncomfortable is not always easy. The rewards are massive because it allows the true parts of yourself to emerge.

I have found that by having the courage to risk being authentic, people might respond favorably because it gives them permission to be real. How liberating that is! It’s exhausting and painful to have to censor yourself or be afraid to show people the real “you.”

Isn’t that what we all really want?  To be loved and accepted for who we are!

Do you have the courage to be authentic?

Do you “show up and stand strong” in what you believe regardless of what other people think and say?

Do you feel good about who you are at the end of the day?

Each situation is different. How authentic you choose to be is influenced by the degree of perceived risk, what’s at stake, the level of importance, and how strong you feel inside yourself.

You got something to say? Speak up! I’m listening…..